PSAs
March 6, 2008
PSA #42
If you want to get a box of individual-serving orange juice cartons from Costco, double check to make sure you're not getting a box of four quart-sized containers instead.
Posted by oracle at 8:33 AM | Comments (0)
February 24, 2008
PSA #41
Putting a mattress cover on is a tremendous pain in the ass. Make sure you're putting it on the right way so you don't have to wrestle with it twice in one day.
Posted by oracle at 7:24 PM | Comments (0)
February 5, 2008
PSAs: special edition
(This list is a result of the conversation Mike and I had after watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacres: The Beginning.)
1. If someone's in the house with you, NEVER run back upstairs unless you feel up to diving out a window.
2. Never go into a dark basement. It doesn't matter if the light switch just isn't working, a fuse is blown, or the power in the whole house is out - it's a BAD IDEA.
3. If you hear a noise, don't go check it out. Assume it is not the cat, dog, or a squirrel and prepare for the worst-case scenario (ax murder/serial killer/supernatural creature, etc.) instead.
4. Don't fool yourself into thinking a piece of wood is adequate protection. Sure, if it's pointy at one end it'll help you take out the vampires coming after you, but you'll need more than that to stop the serial killer that's been terrorizing the surrounding neighborhoods recently. If you have a gun, check to make sure it's loaded. Then check again, just in case.
5. If your friends get taken somewhere, you can follow them to see where they end up (so you know where to bring help), but DON'T GO IN AFTER THEM. Even if you're in some deserted area, one way on the highway and start walking. You've got to find something eventually.
6. If you've been captured and you're being held in a deserted area, don't scream for no reason. If the skin is being flayed off your arm, okay, go ahead and scream, but if you're just tied to a table leg or something, shut up and conserve your energy for when it'll do you some good.
Posted by oracle at 11:43 AM | Comments (1)
January 27, 2008
PSA #40
If the past two weeks have been spent grumbling about itchy ears and eyes plus other random itchy spots, it's time to go see your goddamn allergist already.
Posted by oracle at 1:52 PM | Comments (0)
January 25, 2008
PSA #39
When your one of your toenails is long enough to leave a half-inch long gash on one of your toes, it's time to cut them. IMMEDIATELY.
Posted by oracle at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
January 9, 2008
PSA #38
If you know the forecast for your day is going to hold jaw problems because you woke up with your teeth clenched, for pity's sake, bring some Advil to work with you.
Posted by oracle at 12:19 PM | Comments (0)
December 18, 2007
PSA #37
Winter in Virginia, sometimes known as a season of coats and scarves, is not the best time to get a tattoo on the back of your neck. Good thing both my coat and scarf are charcoal, so any black smudges on them will be almost invisible.
Posted by oracle at 7:19 PM | Comments (0)
November 5, 2007
PSA #35
The night before a big multi-component meeting is not the best time to get a tattoo worked on, especially not if you will be escorting the personnel from the other components. It's hard to be professional and keep your ass from hanging out at the same time.
Posted by oracle at 7:38 AM | Comments (0)
October 9, 2007
PSA #34
If you have to give one of your dogs an antibiotic twice a day for ten days, it would behoove you to not throw away the package with the remainder of his pills after day six, particularly if you're not keen on the idea of rummaging through the trash (this idea is even less appealing after your husband has dumped a heap of chicken-wing bones in there with a container of ranch dressing).
Posted by oracle at 5:38 PM | Comments (0)
September 27, 2007
PSA #33
Mascara cannot help define your eyelashes if it's in your husband's truck (where you left it yesterday) and you are not.
Posted by oracle at 8:46 AM | Comments (0)
September 25, 2007
PSA #32
House keys and car keys are not interchangeable, no matter how many times you try to use one in place of the other.
Posted by oracle at 6:40 AM | Comments (0)
September 19, 2007
PSA # 31
If you have glasses with screws that have a tendency to pop out, leaving nothing to hold your lenses in place, get one of those tiny screwdrivers to keep in your car so you don't ever again have to use your fingernail to screw one of those miniscule screws back in.
Posted by oracle at 9:01 PM | Comments (0)
September 8, 2007
PSA #30
If your phone rings during a movie, do not answer it in the theater - take it out to the hall to have your conversation, especially if you are going to inquire about the caller's baby, ask about halftime of a game that's on tv, and tell the caller about your plans to leave at 7:30 the next morning. If you DO take such a call and have a similar, non-emergency-related, conversation, do not spend the next fifteen minutes after you hang up asking your spouse what's going on in the movie because you missed it while you were chatting on the phone. ("How many years later is it?" "Fifteen." "Oh, I thought it was ten or something.") I guarantee you your fellow movie-goers will wish they had laser eyes with which to turn your inconsiderate ass into bacon. Or maybe that's just me.
Posted by oracle at 11:47 PM | Comments (0)
September 1, 2007
PSA #29
When washing your face, it's a good idea to take your fucking glasses off first - if you don't, expect to meet resistance when you try to rub your wet hands over your face.
Posted by oracle at 10:51 PM | Comments (1)
August 7, 2007
PSA #28
Howevermuch you may love your new Dustbuster, find something else to use to sweep up the pile of Parmesan cheese that spilled onto the floor. If you MUST use the Dustbuster, empty it out IMMEDIATELY so the Parmesan stink will have more time to dissipate before the next time you need to use the Dustbuster.
Posted by oracle at 12:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 1, 2007
PSA #27
Re-wrapping a roll of floss so you can put it back in the holder it just flew out of is NOT the most effecient way to spend time as you're getting ready for work. With that in mind, it would be a good idea to tug a little less forcefully next time you're trying to get some of said floss.
Posted by oracle at 9:09 AM | Comments (0)
July 31, 2007
PSA #26
A baked potato cooked in a microwave is yummy. A baked potato cooked in a microwave then reheated the next day is not.
Posted by oracle at 8:11 AM | Comments (0)
July 27, 2007
PSA #25
If you're allergic to dust, cleaning three month's worth of it off the fan in your bedroom shortly before going to sleep is not a good idea. You will wake up the following morning with sinuses that feel like someone inflated them while you slept.
Posted by oracle at 8:34 AM | Comments (0)
July 26, 2007
PSA #24
If you're going to go to the trouble to fix stuff to bring in for lunch, quit leaving it at home. That baked potato will not do anything to fill you up when it's in a fridge 30 MILES AWAY.
Posted by oracle at 8:09 AM | Comments (0)
July 25, 2007
PSA #23
If you run out of time one morning and have to bring the fixings for your breakfast to work with you so you can make it there, it is important that you remember to bring ALL of them. It's pointless to bring a glass dish with some cinnamon and sugar so you can have some freshly cooked (microwaved) apples in your oatmeal if you then forget the damn apple.
Posted by oracle at 8:27 AM | Comments (0)
PSA #22
When using Crest Whitestrips, always remember to peel them off the plastic backing before trying to apply them. They stick much better that way. Also? Read the damn directions again because 1) they give you upper AND lower strips, and 2) the lower strips fit your lower teeth much better than the upper ones do. Furthermore, it would seem that you are not supposed to use strips on your upper and lower teeth at the same time. You're supposed to use all the upper ones first and THEN start using the ones for your lower teeth.
Posted by oracle at 7:27 AM | Comments (0)
July 13, 2007
PSA #21
Powdered creamer belongs in your husband's coffee mug, not the pan of oatmeal you're making for your breakfast.
Posted by oracle at 6:34 AM | Comments (1)
June 5, 2007
PSA #20
Make sure your damn sunglasses are in their case BEFORE you drag it out to the truck with you and leave for work. An empty case will not shield your eyes from the sun, no matter how many times you look at it pitifully and wish that your sunglasses would magically appear.
This is important to remember at all times, but especially when you have a migraine and are counting on those sunglasses to prevent the sunlight from stabbing into your now light-sensitive eyes.
Posted by oracle at 8:04 AM | Comments (0)
May 18, 2007
PSA #19
If there's a day that requires you to prop your chin on your hand so you don't end up face-down on your desk, you might as well go ahead and start immediate preparations for the breakout that will occur on your jawline and chin a few days later.
Posted by oracle at 9:56 AM | Comments (0)
May 12, 2007
PSA #18
If you have finicky little dogs who do not like getting wet and think the world is ending if they have to pee outside when it is raining, do not wait until it's thunderstorming to take them out. They will a) look at the rain, look at you balefully until they realize no one's going back inside until they do SOMETHING, then reluctantly scurry out to the closest patch of grass to pee quickly and fly back to the porch to wait for you to OPEN THE DAMN DOOR ALREADY, MOM, b) look at the rain, try to quickly go back inside before you close the door, look at you balefully as you pick them up and put them next to a bush so they'll get the idea, scurry back to the door and look pitiful while they press themselves against it, making themselves as flat as possible to minimize their exposure to the rain, or c) split up, two of them (we'll call them "Maddy" and "Max") putting option a into play while the remaining dog (let us refer to him as "Jordan") goes with option b.
Posted by oracle at 11:56 PM | Comments (0)
May 9, 2007
PSA #17
When trying to upload pictures from your camera, ensure that both ends of the cable are plugged in - one to the computer and one to your camera. Plugging the cable into the computer but forgetting to plug the other end into your camera will leave you staring at the screen, trying to figure out why your pictures haven't begun uploading.
Posted by oracle at 7:17 PM | Comments (0)
May 8, 2007
PSA #16
If you want toast, pls remember to plug the toaster in. If the toaster is not plugged in, all you will get is the same non-toasted bread you started off with.
Posted by oracle at 5:08 AM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2007
PSA #15
If you have a strong preference for one type of oatmeal over another - say, for example, the old fashioned oats instead of the 1 minute quick-cook kind - you would do well to double check the container before leaving the store so you don't get stuck with a couple month's-worth of the wrong kind of oatmeal.
Posted by oracle at 5:08 AM | Comments (0)
March 19, 2007
PSA #14
If you have TMJ problems, chewing half a pack of gum one piece right after another is not a good idea. You will more than likely spend the rest of the day in misery, swearing to remember to stay away from gum for the rest of your life.
Posted by oracle at 9:52 AM | Comments (0)
December 19, 2006
PSA #13
If you forget to get some DayQuil while you're getting ready for work and have to run back upstairs to get it before you leave and happen hit the top of your hand against the corner of the banister as you scramble up the stairs, it will hurt. A lot. And it will still hurt an hour and a half later. Oddly enough, typing will make it hurt more.
Posted by oracle at 6:37 AM | Comments (0)
December 16, 2006
PSA #12
Make sure you have enough room to clear the banister before you bend over to pick up a sweatshirt from in front of the puppy kennel, otherwise you'll have a lovely red bump over your eyebrow when you take your husband to pick up his truck.
Posted by oracle at 9:52 PM | Comments (0)
December 8, 2006
PSA #11
Thinking about putting your Vans in your gym bag is not the same as actually putting them there. Also, running shoes do not look too great with work clothes.
Posted by oracle at 7:38 AM | Comments (0)
December 6, 2006
PSA #10
The headset to your work phone is absolutely useless at home, so when leaving for the day, please remember to take it off. If you think about taking your headset off 15 or so minutes before leaving, it's a good idea to go ahead and do it then because the next time you remember it will probably be when you are driving out of the parking lot.
Posted by oracle at 8:04 PM | Comments (0)
PSA #9
If your keys are in your jacket pocket, be very careful about swinging your jacket as you put it on. Them being in a pocket does not do anything to make getting hit in the face with said keys feel any less painful.
Posted by oracle at 6:39 PM | Comments (0)
November 1, 2006
PSA #8
If you want to back out of your driveway but put your vehicle in Drive instead of Reverse, you will go towards the garage door instead of away from it like you had in mind.
Posted by oracle at 6:47 AM | Comments (1)
October 31, 2006
PSA #7
When you're used to using both Macs and PCs, it's important to remember which one you're on at any given time. Even though the Alt key on a PC keyboard is in the same spot the Command key is on a Mac keyboard, it does not do the same thing when you're trying to use shortcuts.
Posted by oracle at 8:39 AM | Comments (0)
September 28, 2006
PSA #6
6.a - Fluoride is much more effective when it's not poured down your chest.
6.b - Mousse on the floor doesn't do a damn thing to add volume to your hair, so make sure the bottle is aimed properly before you spray.
6.c - Cleaning your bathroom floor twice in 10 minutes is not an efficient way to spend your time getting ready for work.
Posted by oracle at 6:44 AM | Comments (0)
September 9, 2006
PSA #5
When you're trying to check your email in Outlook, clicking "Send/Receive" is much more effective than clicking "Reply to All."
Posted by oracle at 9:15 PM | Comments (0)
August 31, 2006
PSA #4
Remember to put house phone on the charger before you leave the house instead of walking out the door with it still clipped to your waistband. Any time you may save by not making a separate trip back upstairs for the phone will be wasted by the trip you have to make back inside just to put the damn phone away.
Posted by oracle at 7:20 AM | Comments (0)
July 16, 2006
PSA #3
If you take a glass baking pan out of oven, it will not be cool 10 minutes later when you try to pick it up with your bare hands. If dropping said pan immediately is not an option (say, for instance, it's right over the cast iron burners on your gas range), put it down as quickly as possible to minimize the blistering. Then get your bottle of aloe, apply liberally, and whine to everyone in earshot.
Posted by oracle at 9:23 AM | Comments (1)
June 8, 2006
PSA #2
If you write something on your hand, don't wash your hand until after you've copied the info onto a piece of paper.
Posted by oracle at 7:12 AM | Comments (0)